Michael "The Spike" Osorio Appreciation Day

With the 4th of July coming up and me having a three-day week, I took some time to reflect on the meanings and importance of holidays. After thinking for some time, I realized that almost all holidays have something in common: they are a way to show appreciation and celebrate the greatness of someone or something. We celebrate the 4th of July for the founding of our great nation. We celebrate Memorial Day to remember the courageous men and women who have died while serving our country. We even celebrate father's day to show appreciation for (most of) our dads.

So keeping all of this in mind, wouldn't it be great to CREATE your own holiday? Even though I'm the most amazing person ever, it would be pretty damn pompous of me to create a holiday in honor of myself...thats kind of in the same vein of throwing a birthday party for myself. So since I'm out of the picture, who would be the 2nd best person to have a holiday in his/her honor?

Michael "The Spike" Osorio.

Before I go any further, let me clarify that the purpose of Michael "The Spike" Osorio Appreciation Day IS NOT to envy Michael "The Spike Osorio". Hell, that chimp doesn't have anything on me except for the fact that he is a A-List member with Express and I'm not (but when I buy my next pair of work slacks I will be. Watch your back, Michael, we are getting our discount coupons on the same day now). I do not envy Michael "The Spike" Osorio, but I appreciate him and want to celebrate the impact he has made on my life.

Many of you reading this may not even know what Michael "The Spike" Osorio looks like. Coincidently, many of you may have seen him before sometime in your life. Believe it or not, Michael "The Spike" Osorio actually modeled for a magazine when he was younger: http://www.zoobooks.com/upload/cover-images/cover-apes_tn.jpg . If that does not ring a bell, Michael "The Spike" Osorio tried making a comeback in his modeling career a few years later in this famous magazine cover: http://www.zoobooks.com/upload/cover-images/cover-apes_tn.jpg

I feel bad for a lot of people in America today. Not necessarily because of the high unemployment rates and limited access to healthcare, but because not enough people have really experienced Michael "The Spike" Osorio. Describing Michael "The Spike" Osorio's greatness in words is literally impossible, so I will not even attempt it. Here are some interesting fun facts about Michael:

-Michael has two superpowers: throwing tantrums and camoflauge (at night only).

-Michael is the only person in the world to be straight edge and drink. Ian MacKaye is amazed.

-The last time Michael went for a physical, the doctor determined that Michael has no heart. Essentially, he is heartless.

-He is known in some social circles as "Cinnamon Skin". Ask him why.

-Michael was voted as the #3 cutest vegan in the world. Technically, Michael should have been disqualified because Michael is a vegetarian now. PETA wants their award back.

In honor of such an amazing human being, I proclaim July 1st to be Michael "The Spike" Osorio Appreciation Day. To properly celebrate Michael "The Spike" Osorio appreciation day, you need to draw random ass tattoos all over your right arm. The more random and nonsensical your drawn-on tattoos are, the more Michael "The Spike" Osorio Appreciation Day spirit you have....so fire up your BBQs and throw some soyrizo on the grill, tomorrow we are making history.

Life-Like-Saccharine , Pt. I

I'm sitting in my room at the Embassy Suites in Downey and can't help but feel jealous. The lobby is littered with tourists and families on vacation, while I'm decked out in a dress shirt and slacks. I just got back from an audit and I'm sure most of these people just came back from the mall or from the beach. Fuck, I envy you guys.

The 9-5 life isn't really what its cracked out to be. Repetition becomes repetitive and life becomes one gigantic ebb and flow of waking up, working, and sleeping. Even though the business trips are really cool and I love the daily problem solving bullshit I have to go through, I really miss my undergraduate college years already and its only been a year.

Life is an inevitability and I'm really glad I kicked off my career literally the second I graduated college (a lot of the other 'new' auditors I work with are in their 30's...) but at the same time I feel like I'm robbing myself of something I really can't put a finger on...

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My diets going a lot better than my last diet. I fell into a lot of...pitfalls...during my last diet, culminating in eggplant parmigiana at The Olive Garden that put my diet 6 feet under ground. This time around, I think I'm a little more committed now that I don't have Fraternity stuff looming over me. I have to buy a new brown belt for work because ::drum roll:: IT DOESN'T FIT ANYMORE! Not only is the weight loss a plus, but I definitely have a lot more energy because I am eating healthy and working out.

Since I pretty much lost all of my creativity lately, my next few posts are probably just gonna be journal entries on my diet. I apologize in advance....

Dry

My well of creativity has gone dry. I blame it on the daily ebb and flow of work and not having any time for myself.

So in place of my writing, here's a quote that captures me as a person at the time of this writing, especially in regards to my crazy diet, preparing for CPA exams, thinking of going to graduate school, deciding whether or not to stay with my department, and most of all my own personal happiness:

"Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey 'people.' People say different things: so do instincts. Our instincts are at war... Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest."

-C.S. Lewis

Just 'Cause You Can't See Your Cage Doesn't Mean That You Are Free

"The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed."

- Joe Stack (1956-2010)

The above quote is taken from Joseph Stack's suicide letter, posted on the internet shortly before he flew a small Piper Cherokee PA-28-236 into a Texas building that houses IRS offices. Being a tax auditor myself, this news definitely hit home for me and it took me up until now to really wrap my finger around the whole situation. Do I support his actions? Obviously not. Do I support his beliefs? Thats more hit and miss... but do I sympathize with his frustrations?

Wholeheartedly.

I have never been a religious man, but if I were to vest my beliefs and faith in one thing it would be PERFECT capitalism. Please pay attention to the fact that I bolded and upper-cased the word "perfect". The form of capitalism we have in America today is so twisted and perverted that its a whole 'nother animal. We teach our sons and daughters at an early age that they can "be whatever they want to be", but lets not kid ourselves: there are so many financial and economical barriers that many people can't cross. The obvious comes to mind: low income families can't send their kids to an institution of higher learning... without a higher education, these kids will only have enough human capital to be janitors and waitresses. Dig deeper. Homosexuals can't serve in our militaries, even though they are just as able to serve as you and I (hopefully this is repealed soon, but thats another blog post in its own). Dig even deeper, and we can make a connection with Joseph Stack: in our new age of Americana, its becoming more and more impossible for people to operate a small business due to stringent governmental policing and tax enforcement.

A very large portion of small business owners do not have a background in economics, accounting, or taxation. At the same time, a lot of these businesses do not use a CPA or bookkeeper to help them with tax compliance because they cannot afford it. When it is discovered that these businesses fall out of tax compliance, they are literally raped and pillaged with penalties and assessments that can cripple and shut them down. The sad thing is, even if these businesses discover that they were underreporting taxes, "come clean" to the government and are willing to pay the difference, most government entities will still assess and charge penalties. Penalties were designed to curb one's behavior in a socially optimal manner; how does it make sense to penalize someone who understands their errors, is making an attempt to correct them and get back into tax compliance, and will not make the same mistake again? For those of you who are reading this without any background in the complexities of operating a business, it only takes a quick scan of the Internal Revenue Code (IRC) to show that complying with tax laws isn't an easy task, even if you are an extremely small and simple business. If you are a small business owner, let me make it clear to you: the government does not care about you. At all.

I'm in no way suggesting that we turn a blind eye to small businesses because they do not understand the U.S. tax system. I am suggesting that we become more aware, understanding, and committed to helping small businesses fall in compliance with tax laws and regulations.

Small businesses are great. According to the U.S. Small Business Administration, small businesses generate 60-80% of new net jobs annually and pay 44.3% of U.S. private-sector payroll. Small businesses help create jobs and keep the money we spend in our local economies. However, I predict that by the time I die and pass on, the small business model that we are accustomed to will be extinct. With the government's stringent tax policies, the advantage of economics of scale for large corporations, and the massive price wars that large corporations like Wal-Mart and Costco can command, you would have to be out of your fucking mind to want to start a small business now.

Politicians are supposedly "taking a stand" on unemployment and are developing policies that will hopefully, one day, spur economic growth. Here's my take: politics and big business should be separate, just like church and state. Cut off our politicians' allowance money from corporate america and lets make DC pure again. Political parties should not be able to accept contributions from businesses, in my humble opinion, as it really does influence their policies. Government should not be focused on penalizing Americans who are trying to operate small businesses, but rather should make the initiative to educate these people on how to properly run their business in compliance with U.S. laws and regulations.

To call America a capitalist nation is far from the truth. We all believe that we have freedom...freedom to say what we want, practice what we believe, and make our own choices...but just because you can't see your cage does not mean that you are free.

Boiled Frogs - An Open Letter

The term "boiled frogs" refers to someone or something being a victim of slow and gradual change. Kinda random, but let me explain. During the late 19th century in London, scientists in performed experiments on different animals to see how they each would react to dangerous situations. Scientists put a frog in boiling water and noted that, shortly after the frog was dropped into the pot, the frog would leap out and onto the floor in the blink of an eye. However, if a frog was put in room-temperature water and the pot was slowly heated, the frog would not be able to adapt to the change and slowly boil to death.

This is analogous to my life and yours. How has change treated you lately? The temperature is rising, the water is boiling, and every day is, in some way/shape/form, another day living in complacency and docility. Our bodies are like atlases, and our veins are like roadways, bridges, and rivers....so let's chart our paths and find a way out before we burn to death. I'm ready when you are.

Coronation

I got into a philosophical music arguement with a few coworkers today on Michael Jackson's legacy. Its obvious he was a creep, but I think thats what happens to all musical legends (see Phil Spector and his recent escapades). Regardless, yesterday the world witnessed the passing of a legend and probably one of the most influential musical figures we will witness in our lifetime.

To keep this short, I think a lot of people base MJ's career off of a handful of songs (Beat It, Thriller, Billie Jean, Bad, Black And White, etc). I will admit, everything he made after Thriller was complete garbage. If you just look at Off The Wall and Thriller (a perfect album), that should be enough credentials to make you a musical legend in itself. Almost every song off of these two albums are amazing, and you all should listen to them.

The Last 4 Years, In 1000 Words Or Less (or Highways To Nowhere, Pt. II)

If its cool with you, lets cut the cutesy introduction and get right into the meat-and-potatoes of this entry.

The last four years of my life have been, hands down, the best four years of my life. Alot of people come into college thinking that they are paying tuition to learn about mathematics, sentence syntax, physics, and the philosophies of men who have been dead for thousands of years. I think people miss out on the opportunities to grow and reinvent themselves. The man I am today is 10x wiser, stronger, clever, and sexier than the boy coming into college not knowing how to do his own laundry.

I had a lot of regrets in high school. Coming into college, I had the mindset that I wanted to make the most out of my time in Santa Cruz. 

I did.

And I can say that I am graduating with no regrets this time around.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm graduating with a damn high cumulative GPA and, unlike a lot of graduates this year (unfortunately), have a great job that I am starting at in 6 days. I resurrected an organization that was on the verge of extinction and have put it on track to becoming a campus powerhouse in a matter of 1-2 years. I was hired as a CA, which saved my mom the stress of working 2 jobs.  

Over the last 4 years, I've had my share of horrible friends. Sometimes their actions and words weren't really thorns in my side but knives carved in my back. I know some people still question why I left so abruptly, but I guess thats for them to keep pondering if they haven't figured it out yet. The past is the past, and although I am not a religious man, I thank God every day for leading me to real friends and people I can see myself getting old, fat, and happy with. I know that Sigma Lambda Beta was the right choice for me because it led me to meeting my best friend, Brian. If you ever wonder why I work so hard for my Fraternity, its because of this. A true friendship is hard to come by, and I am thankful that our organization helped us meet.

Over the last 4 years, I've also had my share of heartbreaks. This is taboo for guys to talk about, but I am really comfortable with it now. I came to college in a three year relationship that ended very ugly. The women I've dated from freshman year until about a few weeks ago have been for my better and worse. My four years have culminated into meeting the amazing girl I am with right now. I can't think of a better way of ending this chapter of my life then meeting her and transitioning into a newer, exciting chapter. From now until my graduation, if you see me on campus or around town and I have a huge smile on my face or I'm very upbeat, its not because I'm leaving or because I found a job. She's the one responsible for it. I am happy because she makes me happy, and I am upbeat because I am excited about all the time we are going to spend with each other during Summer.

I never really wanted to leave Santa Cruz, but I definitely feel that my time here needs to come to an end. As a kid, I always fantasized about being young, wealthy, and happy while living in a big city. I guess my dreams are coming true, as I am moving to San Jose in a matter of weeks. I always thought this part of my life would be scared...I don't really know how I feel. If anything, I feel colossal; I want to hit the ground running and make a name for myself in San Jose. 

Give it 10 years. Maybe 15 years tops, and San Jose will be renamed San Ricardo. Trust.