Mental Note.

Dear mom: when I grow up, I promise I will never speak to my wife the way dad talks to you. 

"There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."   -Richard Bach

Highways to Nowhere. Pt. I

(from my personal journal: 2/11/2009)

She came into my workplace with a baby in her arm and a newborn in a stroller. I forget what her driver's license said, but she must have been in her early 50's or so; the bags under her eyes were in full bloom and the wrinkles on her face were like highways on a road map, leading to nowhere. Her hair was slowly turning into a web of gray. If you could personify stress, indignation, and unfortunate, this would be the person standing before you. I don't remember her name, and her words were in a language I couldn't understand. Regardless, she changed my life forever.

All she brought was 6 W2 forms, her last year's tax return paperwork, and an eviction notice from her landlord. It turns out that this woman's husband passed away 3 years ago and is taking care of 4 children and 2 grandchildren (who, by this time, are chewing up my pens and pencils and mixing up my paperwork). In one year, she worked 6 jobs to bring in less than $12,000 for the year.

Her coat had a strong, pungent smell of poverty. Her fingernails were yellow like an old book's pages and had dirt under them. She was missing a handful of teeth. 

With a few keystrokes and a spanish-english dictionary, I'm able to get her enough of a tax return to keep her apartment. To feed her grandchildren for a few more weeks. Maybe even to buy herself new shoes since it hurts for her to walk 2 miles to the canneries to work.

After the good news, she starts crying and whispers something to me that I don't understand, and takes off. 

I still don't know her name, but I thought about her a lot today and about her life and lifestyle, which is why I decided to write this entry. If I meet her again, I have so many questions for her and I would really want to share with her that she gave me a personal epiphany and taught me an important life lesson:

The most privileged people in our world have the most responsibility. It just so happens that the most privileged tend to be the least responsible.

This last month has, for the most part, been my luckiest 30 days of my life. I feel like something is watching over me and making sure that everything goes my way. I always was really skeptical about luck and thought karma was really what decided how the cards are dealt...but lately, I haven't been a saint and things have been going great for me.

At the same time, I'm still really scared that my luck is going to run out and I'm going to deal with misfortunes ahead. Just like life and death, the seasons, and the tides, I have a personal theory that luck for MOST people is just a cycle.  Lady Luck is infatuated with me, but tomorrow I could wake up alone in bed and left to deal with misfortunes again - I just hope she doesn't wake me up when she closes the door.

For now, though, everything in my life is AMAZING. I'm just juiced to get out of Santa Cruz and move to the city. I've grown so much in SC and have met amazing people, but this chapter in my life is coming to an end, and I can't wait to start the new one.

A Crash Course Into Real Life

Somehow, miraculously, I was hired with the California Franchise Tax Board to be a tax auditor for their Partnerships division. I'll be working out of their San Jose offices, which is AMAZING because my office is gonna be in downtown San Jose right off of Santa Clara Street. Ever since I got the job offer, my life has been crazy. Aside from all of the shit I do at school, I have to:

1. Book hotel rooms for my training in July in Sac and SJ

2. Buy a car (I got $10,000 to drop)

3. Find housing

4. Buy shit for my new place

Because of all of this shit that just fell on my place, I had to cancel with Gadgetbox and lost my deposit for studio time. I guess in a way its cool because I get to refine all of the parts I wrote so far, and I want to write a few songs in different dropped tunings (possibly a really heavy drop A song in the works?). 

Anyways, I guess everything worked out in the end. I was able to find a job in a recession/depression and I'm still in the area, so I still can come out to Santa Cruz and kick it.

Things are really exciting right now, but I'm still really sad that I don't have much time left in Santa Cruz...

THE ICARUS DILEMMA

For a while, I will be using this blog as a little studio journal.

RIFF 1:

E-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------8B

B-----------------------------5H6P5------------------------------------5H6P58H10P8---

G--9-10-7--10-5----5H7P5--------5H7P5-----9-10-7--10-5-5H7P5--------------------

D-7---------------7----------------------------7----------------------------------------------

A----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RIFF 2:

E--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

B--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

G--------------------------------------5--3H5--------------------------------------------2*

D-00-0-0-7-0-5P0-0-3P0-0-3H5--5-------00-7P0-5P0-00-3H5P32H3P2-------

A-00-0-0---0-------0-------0----------------00-------------00------------------3H5

D-00-0-0---0-------0-------0----------------00-------------00------------------------

   [---PM----]         [PM]    [PM]                   [-PM-]           [-PM-]   

2 songs finished completely, lyrics included. Working on a third one right now (see above tablature) with a REALLY BRUTAL backdown. Sucks that drums are all conceptual in my head right now, but drums are my forte so I'm not too worried about them and am almost confident I could go into gadgetbox and improv them and it still will come out nice. Working title for above song: "The Last Courtesy I'll Give"

Since this project is solely me on all instruments, I figured the lyrics/song titles/album name/artwork should focus more on my life and be biographical in a way. After a lot of thought, I have decided to name the title of the EP "The Icarus Dilemma". I've always been fascinated with greek mythology (old hardcore band was called Killing Aristotle) and history. In my opinion, the main reason we study history is to learn from mistakes that have been made in the past. There is definitely a lot to learn from greek mythology, esp. the story of Icarus and Daedalus. 

Its up to your interpretation, but The Icarus Dilemma to me is everyone's personal battle between hedonism and its consequences. It has more personal connections with me, but thats not something I should be putting here.

Anyways, this whole concept and idea wasn't intended for me to strike it big or create a new genre of music or anything. In all honesty, there are so many talented bands and musicians out right now that the only instrument I would feel comfortable with in the larger scene is the drums. I always wanted to record an album, and I think it would be cool to have a copy to show my kids one day. Plus its a lot cooler than a fucking journal.

Untitled 3

Sometimes I have the most brilliant ideas ever. The hard part is transferring it down to a piece of paper. 

I rarely do this, but I have a lot of cool new music to recommend that I stumbled on over spring break. Most of these groups/musicians have been around for awhile, and I can't believe I haven't crossed paths with them before, but I highly recommend:

-July Skies (ambient post-rock from England)

-Mouth of the Architect

-Emarosa/Dance Gavin Dance (basically anything by Jonny Craig. I never knew the dude was such an amazing singer)

-Anything by Mike Kinsella, esp. American Football and Owen

-The Appleseed Cast (earlier stuff)

On another note, I'm going to see Norma Jean tomorrow in SF. I can't sleep, so I think I'm gonna go write a song in the quad. Love love.

A prediction:

2 days ago, I was sitting on a coral station with my telecaster, writings songs as I watched minnows pass through the crevices of the reefs on this shoreline. Its a really beautiful day, so one would only imagine that I am writing an elegant melody or touching lyrics. On the real, though, I'm cooking up powerbeats, pinch harmonics, two-hand tapping, and the most brutal breakdowns that Santa Cruz will ever hear. Ever.

I decided that I am gonna start posting snippets of the songs I've written so far on my facebook, so start expecting updates during spring break. I just prepaid studio time today, so all the recording fun begins VERY soon.

Ever listen to a metal album with one person performing all the instruments, handling vocals, and writing everything?