"I died for you one time, but never again"

This is me with a healthy (fake)  smile. I'm perfecting it to use on you.

In a matter of 4 weeks, my life has become streamlined into a process, and the predictability of my days are killing me. Every morning is the same story.

The same, lonely fucking bed. I love you so much, but I hate you more than ever.

The same, lonely fucking shower. I love you so much, and I hate you a little less than my bed.

The process is this:

AWAKE:SHOWER:DRESS:WALK:CLASS:EAT:WORKOUT:MEETINGS:EAT:MEETINGS:

STUDY:READ:SLEEP

Every little thing is automated. My cup of coffee is the same cup of coffee I had 24 hours ago, or 24 weeks ago: 3/4 cup of coffee, 1 packet of sugar, 3 tbsps of french vanilla cream. If its 2 tbsps of cream or 2 packets of sugar, its a big issue. 

I choreograph my sex like binary codes. Its just a stream of 0's and 1's. Up and down. Left and right.

A few months ago, Brian and I went downtown and had our cards read by someone on the street. I was skeptical at first, but the first card the person withdrew for Brian was "the sloth". After this, I knew that they were accurate.

The man told me to start letting go of things so I could live a little better. There are definitely things I am going to start letting go of, but I want to take things in as well. I want someone/something to break my automations and show we what the 4th dimension really looks like, or help me discover a new color, or maybe even a new continent or two. 

Am I just really demanding?