"I died for you one time, but never again"

This is me with a healthy (fake)  smile. I'm perfecting it to use on you.

In a matter of 4 weeks, my life has become streamlined into a process, and the predictability of my days are killing me. Every morning is the same story.

The same, lonely fucking bed. I love you so much, but I hate you more than ever.

The same, lonely fucking shower. I love you so much, and I hate you a little less than my bed.

The process is this:

AWAKE:SHOWER:DRESS:WALK:CLASS:EAT:WORKOUT:MEETINGS:EAT:MEETINGS:

STUDY:READ:SLEEP

Every little thing is automated. My cup of coffee is the same cup of coffee I had 24 hours ago, or 24 weeks ago: 3/4 cup of coffee, 1 packet of sugar, 3 tbsps of french vanilla cream. If its 2 tbsps of cream or 2 packets of sugar, its a big issue. 

I choreograph my sex like binary codes. Its just a stream of 0's and 1's. Up and down. Left and right.

A few months ago, Brian and I went downtown and had our cards read by someone on the street. I was skeptical at first, but the first card the person withdrew for Brian was "the sloth". After this, I knew that they were accurate.

The man told me to start letting go of things so I could live a little better. There are definitely things I am going to start letting go of, but I want to take things in as well. I want someone/something to break my automations and show we what the 4th dimension really looks like, or help me discover a new color, or maybe even a new continent or two. 

Am I just really demanding?

I've been waiting for the rain to stop, but it just won't let up. I haven't felt sun on my skin for centuries....even the flowers bloom with black and gray petals.

If my train derailed between Oakland and Martinez and I died tonight, how long would you wait for me at the Amtrak Station? I'd give you 15 minutes, tops.

Still, I am seriously infatuated with someone at this moment. For once I really am serious. 

Its not because I made it out of the train alive, either, and I swear there were ALOT of obstacles that were in between me coming back to Suisun. It wasn't just the bumpy ride; these fucking cambodian kids were singing Queen covers from Hayward all the way to my stop, and it was horrible. But I am here, regardless, so lets make the best out of my weekend, alright?

We Looked Good, Side By Side, Walking Back To The Hotel

This is a picture of me studying for tax class at 4 in the morning about 5 days ago. I am in a lot of pain and misery, tax class is horrible

Fast forward 5 days later, the times they are a'changin. 

Its about 6:30 in the morning right now, and I am madly in love...with economics, of course. I might sound really nerdy, but I really do LOVE my major. I think a lot of people go to universities just to make sure they are going to grow fat and old and rich. I'm basically in my major because I have the time of my life studying indifference curves, isoquants/isocosts, and production functions. There may come a time in your life when you are gonna need to find a way to minimize your production costs. Call me up, I'll tell you how much labor and capital to use and my consultation is free, since we are friends and all.

I am actually going back to visit the parentals this weekend...its gonna be the first time in a really long time. Its all business, though, I need to get hella shit from my house. I've been jamming a lot with a friend that has a drumset but mediocre cymbals and a single bass pedal, so I'm bringing up my zildjian cymbal set (16" A-Custom crash, 18" Z-Custom crash, 20" A-Custom ride, 14" Z-Custom hi-hats, 8 and 10" A splashes, 18" A-Custom China) and my Tama Iron Cobra. Shit is gonna be sick when its all set up.

I'm also going to be visiting her on Saturday. I really, really hope I don't fuck anything up or do anything stupid. Then again, that seems to be my specialty nowadays...

And before I forget: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HELPED SUPPORT SIGMA LAMBDA BETA YESTERDAY BY PURCHASING KRISPY KREME DONUTS FROM ME!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, ESP. MY FLOOR.

and if you're unhappy still i will be hanging on your line should you return

I have a SHITLOAD of interviews this work for auditing firms. If this doesn't work out, I'm dropping out of the university and playing music for the rest of my life.

Fuck the outcome, I want income.

I've been watching movies by myself all week long. The cons of being single are weighing me down, but its whatever. I'm such a great guy that sometimes I can make my own jokes and laugh for hours just thinking about how crazy my train of thought is. 

Lately I've been listening to a lot of dancy stuff. My residents are really into that shit, and its kind of influencing me since I came into this school year in a straight up August Burns Red/Norma Jean mentality. Also been listening to the white album a lot, its such a fucking masterpiece.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO BUY THE NEW COPELAND ALBUM!

A Tattoo On Her Chromosomes

Its 4 o'clock in the afternoon on a warm summer day in the country. This all seems too familiar...I am walking in a hayfield with the beautiful girl that visits me when im deep asleep...the one with the caramel skin and fierce eyes. I can't help but fall in love with everything around me. To my left I see dragonflies speeding off through the thick air, effortlessly dodging wisps of dandelions as they speed off to war. To my right I see an abandoned watermill resting on a creekside; it is made of stone, with moss creeping through its pores. 

This has to be too good to be true. Really.

As we walk side by side, she whispers something in spanish. Even though I don't understand it, it sounds so beautiful. She laughs, pinches me my arm and says just above a whisper, "Lets take the long way home." I simply smile and nod my head. The sky is turning a neon green, we have plenty of time before the sun goes down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYoUfs935dI

Call me Master Shredder.