Boiled Frogs - An Open Letter

The term "boiled frogs" refers to someone or something being a victim of slow and gradual change. Kinda random, but let me explain. During the late 19th century in London, scientists in performed experiments on different animals to see how they each would react to dangerous situations. Scientists put a frog in boiling water and noted that, shortly after the frog was dropped into the pot, the frog would leap out and onto the floor in the blink of an eye. However, if a frog was put in room-temperature water and the pot was slowly heated, the frog would not be able to adapt to the change and slowly boil to death.

This is analogous to my life and yours. How has change treated you lately? The temperature is rising, the water is boiling, and every day is, in some way/shape/form, another day living in complacency and docility. Our bodies are like atlases, and our veins are like roadways, bridges, and rivers....so let's chart our paths and find a way out before we burn to death. I'm ready when you are.

Coronation

I got into a philosophical music arguement with a few coworkers today on Michael Jackson's legacy. Its obvious he was a creep, but I think thats what happens to all musical legends (see Phil Spector and his recent escapades). Regardless, yesterday the world witnessed the passing of a legend and probably one of the most influential musical figures we will witness in our lifetime.

To keep this short, I think a lot of people base MJ's career off of a handful of songs (Beat It, Thriller, Billie Jean, Bad, Black And White, etc). I will admit, everything he made after Thriller was complete garbage. If you just look at Off The Wall and Thriller (a perfect album), that should be enough credentials to make you a musical legend in itself. Almost every song off of these two albums are amazing, and you all should listen to them.

The Last 4 Years, In 1000 Words Or Less (or Highways To Nowhere, Pt. II)

If its cool with you, lets cut the cutesy introduction and get right into the meat-and-potatoes of this entry.

The last four years of my life have been, hands down, the best four years of my life. Alot of people come into college thinking that they are paying tuition to learn about mathematics, sentence syntax, physics, and the philosophies of men who have been dead for thousands of years. I think people miss out on the opportunities to grow and reinvent themselves. The man I am today is 10x wiser, stronger, clever, and sexier than the boy coming into college not knowing how to do his own laundry.

I had a lot of regrets in high school. Coming into college, I had the mindset that I wanted to make the most out of my time in Santa Cruz. 

I did.

And I can say that I am graduating with no regrets this time around.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm graduating with a damn high cumulative GPA and, unlike a lot of graduates this year (unfortunately), have a great job that I am starting at in 6 days. I resurrected an organization that was on the verge of extinction and have put it on track to becoming a campus powerhouse in a matter of 1-2 years. I was hired as a CA, which saved my mom the stress of working 2 jobs.  

Over the last 4 years, I've had my share of horrible friends. Sometimes their actions and words weren't really thorns in my side but knives carved in my back. I know some people still question why I left so abruptly, but I guess thats for them to keep pondering if they haven't figured it out yet. The past is the past, and although I am not a religious man, I thank God every day for leading me to real friends and people I can see myself getting old, fat, and happy with. I know that Sigma Lambda Beta was the right choice for me because it led me to meeting my best friend, Brian. If you ever wonder why I work so hard for my Fraternity, its because of this. A true friendship is hard to come by, and I am thankful that our organization helped us meet.

Over the last 4 years, I've also had my share of heartbreaks. This is taboo for guys to talk about, but I am really comfortable with it now. I came to college in a three year relationship that ended very ugly. The women I've dated from freshman year until about a few weeks ago have been for my better and worse. My four years have culminated into meeting the amazing girl I am with right now. I can't think of a better way of ending this chapter of my life then meeting her and transitioning into a newer, exciting chapter. From now until my graduation, if you see me on campus or around town and I have a huge smile on my face or I'm very upbeat, its not because I'm leaving or because I found a job. She's the one responsible for it. I am happy because she makes me happy, and I am upbeat because I am excited about all the time we are going to spend with each other during Summer.

I never really wanted to leave Santa Cruz, but I definitely feel that my time here needs to come to an end. As a kid, I always fantasized about being young, wealthy, and happy while living in a big city. I guess my dreams are coming true, as I am moving to San Jose in a matter of weeks. I always thought this part of my life would be scared...I don't really know how I feel. If anything, I feel colossal; I want to hit the ground running and make a name for myself in San Jose. 

Give it 10 years. Maybe 15 years tops, and San Jose will be renamed San Ricardo. Trust.

Mental Note.

Dear mom: when I grow up, I promise I will never speak to my wife the way dad talks to you. 

"There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."   -Richard Bach

Highways to Nowhere. Pt. I

(from my personal journal: 2/11/2009)

She came into my workplace with a baby in her arm and a newborn in a stroller. I forget what her driver's license said, but she must have been in her early 50's or so; the bags under her eyes were in full bloom and the wrinkles on her face were like highways on a road map, leading to nowhere. Her hair was slowly turning into a web of gray. If you could personify stress, indignation, and unfortunate, this would be the person standing before you. I don't remember her name, and her words were in a language I couldn't understand. Regardless, she changed my life forever.

All she brought was 6 W2 forms, her last year's tax return paperwork, and an eviction notice from her landlord. It turns out that this woman's husband passed away 3 years ago and is taking care of 4 children and 2 grandchildren (who, by this time, are chewing up my pens and pencils and mixing up my paperwork). In one year, she worked 6 jobs to bring in less than $12,000 for the year.

Her coat had a strong, pungent smell of poverty. Her fingernails were yellow like an old book's pages and had dirt under them. She was missing a handful of teeth. 

With a few keystrokes and a spanish-english dictionary, I'm able to get her enough of a tax return to keep her apartment. To feed her grandchildren for a few more weeks. Maybe even to buy herself new shoes since it hurts for her to walk 2 miles to the canneries to work.

After the good news, she starts crying and whispers something to me that I don't understand, and takes off. 

I still don't know her name, but I thought about her a lot today and about her life and lifestyle, which is why I decided to write this entry. If I meet her again, I have so many questions for her and I would really want to share with her that she gave me a personal epiphany and taught me an important life lesson:

The most privileged people in our world have the most responsibility. It just so happens that the most privileged tend to be the least responsible.

This last month has, for the most part, been my luckiest 30 days of my life. I feel like something is watching over me and making sure that everything goes my way. I always was really skeptical about luck and thought karma was really what decided how the cards are dealt...but lately, I haven't been a saint and things have been going great for me.

At the same time, I'm still really scared that my luck is going to run out and I'm going to deal with misfortunes ahead. Just like life and death, the seasons, and the tides, I have a personal theory that luck for MOST people is just a cycle.  Lady Luck is infatuated with me, but tomorrow I could wake up alone in bed and left to deal with misfortunes again - I just hope she doesn't wake me up when she closes the door.

For now, though, everything in my life is AMAZING. I'm just juiced to get out of Santa Cruz and move to the city. I've grown so much in SC and have met amazing people, but this chapter in my life is coming to an end, and I can't wait to start the new one.

A Crash Course Into Real Life

Somehow, miraculously, I was hired with the California Franchise Tax Board to be a tax auditor for their Partnerships division. I'll be working out of their San Jose offices, which is AMAZING because my office is gonna be in downtown San Jose right off of Santa Clara Street. Ever since I got the job offer, my life has been crazy. Aside from all of the shit I do at school, I have to:

1. Book hotel rooms for my training in July in Sac and SJ

2. Buy a car (I got $10,000 to drop)

3. Find housing

4. Buy shit for my new place

Because of all of this shit that just fell on my place, I had to cancel with Gadgetbox and lost my deposit for studio time. I guess in a way its cool because I get to refine all of the parts I wrote so far, and I want to write a few songs in different dropped tunings (possibly a really heavy drop A song in the works?). 

Anyways, I guess everything worked out in the end. I was able to find a job in a recession/depression and I'm still in the area, so I still can come out to Santa Cruz and kick it.

Things are really exciting right now, but I'm still really sad that I don't have much time left in Santa Cruz...

THE ICARUS DILEMMA

For a while, I will be using this blog as a little studio journal.

RIFF 1:

E-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------8B

B-----------------------------5H6P5------------------------------------5H6P58H10P8---

G--9-10-7--10-5----5H7P5--------5H7P5-----9-10-7--10-5-5H7P5--------------------

D-7---------------7----------------------------7----------------------------------------------

A----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RIFF 2:

E--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

B--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

G--------------------------------------5--3H5--------------------------------------------2*

D-00-0-0-7-0-5P0-0-3P0-0-3H5--5-------00-7P0-5P0-00-3H5P32H3P2-------

A-00-0-0---0-------0-------0----------------00-------------00------------------3H5

D-00-0-0---0-------0-------0----------------00-------------00------------------------

   [---PM----]         [PM]    [PM]                   [-PM-]           [-PM-]   

2 songs finished completely, lyrics included. Working on a third one right now (see above tablature) with a REALLY BRUTAL backdown. Sucks that drums are all conceptual in my head right now, but drums are my forte so I'm not too worried about them and am almost confident I could go into gadgetbox and improv them and it still will come out nice. Working title for above song: "The Last Courtesy I'll Give"

Since this project is solely me on all instruments, I figured the lyrics/song titles/album name/artwork should focus more on my life and be biographical in a way. After a lot of thought, I have decided to name the title of the EP "The Icarus Dilemma". I've always been fascinated with greek mythology (old hardcore band was called Killing Aristotle) and history. In my opinion, the main reason we study history is to learn from mistakes that have been made in the past. There is definitely a lot to learn from greek mythology, esp. the story of Icarus and Daedalus. 

Its up to your interpretation, but The Icarus Dilemma to me is everyone's personal battle between hedonism and its consequences. It has more personal connections with me, but thats not something I should be putting here.

Anyways, this whole concept and idea wasn't intended for me to strike it big or create a new genre of music or anything. In all honesty, there are so many talented bands and musicians out right now that the only instrument I would feel comfortable with in the larger scene is the drums. I always wanted to record an album, and I think it would be cool to have a copy to show my kids one day. Plus its a lot cooler than a fucking journal.

Untitled 3

Sometimes I have the most brilliant ideas ever. The hard part is transferring it down to a piece of paper. 

I rarely do this, but I have a lot of cool new music to recommend that I stumbled on over spring break. Most of these groups/musicians have been around for awhile, and I can't believe I haven't crossed paths with them before, but I highly recommend:

-July Skies (ambient post-rock from England)

-Mouth of the Architect

-Emarosa/Dance Gavin Dance (basically anything by Jonny Craig. I never knew the dude was such an amazing singer)

-Anything by Mike Kinsella, esp. American Football and Owen

-The Appleseed Cast (earlier stuff)

On another note, I'm going to see Norma Jean tomorrow in SF. I can't sleep, so I think I'm gonna go write a song in the quad. Love love.

A prediction:

2 days ago, I was sitting on a coral station with my telecaster, writings songs as I watched minnows pass through the crevices of the reefs on this shoreline. Its a really beautiful day, so one would only imagine that I am writing an elegant melody or touching lyrics. On the real, though, I'm cooking up powerbeats, pinch harmonics, two-hand tapping, and the most brutal breakdowns that Santa Cruz will ever hear. Ever.

I decided that I am gonna start posting snippets of the songs I've written so far on my facebook, so start expecting updates during spring break. I just prepaid studio time today, so all the recording fun begins VERY soon.

Ever listen to a metal album with one person performing all the instruments, handling vocals, and writing everything? 

Hmmmmmmmm

Haven't written anything in here for a while so I guess here is an update:

Blah, I've been listening to 90s alternative shit alot lately and doing 14 hrs of community service a week with my internship (which I love). Oh and I'm about to cook a billion pupusas, make sure you buy some from me: 3 for $6 for 6 for $10. Proceeds go to my fraternity and some friends participating in Relay For Life. 1 out of 3 people will be diagnosed with cancer at some time in their lives, so please help us fund cancer research, promote detection/prevention education and provide services for those of us who are unfortunate enough to have it or has someone close to them with the disease.

The end.

Get Rich or Die Crying

If you want a good idea of how bad the job market, picture this situation:

You are graduating from UC Santa Cruz with a BA in Business Management Economics and are planning to go into the accounting field, which is one of the three strongest industries in America right now in terms of job growth. You have a 3.4 cum GPA and a 3.7 major GPA. You were a RA for two years, the Vice President of Sigma Lambda Beta, the Vice President of Alpha Phi Omega, and a coordinator of the Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) Program from the IRS. You have a polished transcript and have had the career center go over your cover letter and drill you on interviewing skills. At the end of the day, you STILL don't have any job offers.

Now replace all the "you" and "your"s with "I" and "my", and thats the story of my life right now.

mistaking planes and satellites for shooting stars

Its a Saturday night, and I am walking along the streets in downtown Santa Cruz. Its at least 20 degrees outside, but the alcohol in my stomach and down my throat are keeping me warm enough. I look up, and the moon is shaped like a perfect circle. Maybe its the alcohol, but I feel like the moon is smiling and winking at me.

Suddenly, I see a red light shoot across the night sky. I have never seen a shooting star in my life, and am suddenly under the pressure of coming up with a perfect wish. In my head, I say "I wish I could honestly say I am happy". Automatically, I feel foolish because of how vague my wishful thinking is. 

It turns out that my shooting star was actually a Boeing 747 headed for the Mineta San Jose Intl. Airport or SFO. If I could, I would make coffee and lay awake all night long until I cross paths with a real shooting star, but a tree blocks my view of the sky from my room. Believe me, I have a lot of wishes I need granted.

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." -C.S. Lewis

Obvious

If you want to know how great America is, try this on for size: today on CNN.com, Jett Travolta, John Travolta's son, is making more news than the Gaza crisis. Jett Travolta's death is the #1 visited news article today, while the Gaza crisis is #7. After all, the son of a B-List celebrity is more important than the deaths of hundreds and an international crisis.